I Just Reached Flabergasted

** I Had Two Families Growing and Still Do As An Adult Today

I grew up in the midst of a lot of dysfunction, choas, confusion but in the third grade, I met Jen and I don't remember how, but we became friends.

I remember her getting on the swings, a few mintues later, I saw my aunt and jumped off yelling "aunt Peggy,' at which time, so did she. But I don't remember anything else

Looking back I realize that the how or what happened doesn't matter; the only thing that matters is that we did.

And that we still are today.

Don't get me wrong, we've had our shares of disagreements, fights, indiffernce, stuborness, neither wanting to forgive or agree to disagree, or back down (eventually we always have.)

Once when we were 18, we had a falling out, compleltly. I realized later that my fiancee was very controlling and he used cohersion and manipulation, abuse and fear to make me do what he wanted, which was for me to have as little outside influence there, therefore he had to monitor the people around me, keep as much of a distance between me and others around me and when first, her dad who had a spare key (after he changed my lock when I moved in) left Christmas presnts on my sofa when they stopped by and I was not home.

After I finally left him, I found her online one day (although I was using my ex's computer that I was not allowed on it. I explained it to her.

Growing up, I used to stay the weekends with them, during the sumer I woud spend a week or so.

Jen lived in Wichita until the summer before started the 6th grade and they move to the country in Cheney.

Jen had to normal life that I never did, not that I was jealouse but it was nice to, when I could, to be a part of that.

When I was in the 5th grade, we had just moved into a bad neighborhood, school had just started and my stepdad went to prison for six months for a parole violation so I stayed with her. At first it was nice actually.

Nobody got drunk, her mom worked night but her dad was there.

There was stablity, a routine, consistency, me and Jen would sit at the kitchen table as soon as the bus dropped us off from school and we would do our homework, while Rhea alternated between fixing dinner and helping us.

Her dad would come home after work and we would dinner, bedtime came and the tv was set to the weather channel, Jen usually fought this.

I liked the more calm household and not having to worry or wonder 'is mom off tonight?' But after awhile after it became routine, it felt like I had entered the twilight zone and ended up in an alternate universe.

I don't think anybody would believe me, or even understand how I could start missing 'home' but I think you'd have to understand that well,,, that was my norm, I had grown up in that life and until I got older, I never thought of it as anything but my life.

So six months when my step dad got out of prison I chose to move back home not realizing how much I would seem like I didn't appreciate them, I did; really.

2006

I lost contact with Jen after I lost everything, my phone, my contact list included, a couple months I got on Facebook; I wanted to connect to another websites wall and I was curious about what a 'facebook wall' was so one day I signed up.

I didn't go into it that often a few times I would be in there messing around out of boredom and it occured to me I should look her name up, I'd get her first name in and 2-3 letters of her last name and chicken out and just click out if the site.

One day I actually didn't chicken out, I got her whole name and thought. 'I wonder how many I'm going to find who aren't the person I'm talking about.

Although I had no photo of her or a profile to go from, I recongsized soemthing in her posted profile pic and thought now what?

I went through her friend list and sure enough, from the number of people I recognised there was no doubt I had found her.

I chickened out again and didn't send her a message yet, that evening after Larry got home from work, I was telling him about it and when he asked if I had sent her a message, and I said no, he said 'get your ass in there and send her a message before I beat your butt!

'You know how I feel about having good friends. When you have good friends you and you're able to connect with them agian, you do it.

'And if she says she wants nothing to do with you anymore, hey you tried.'

He actually came in the bedroom and made sure I did.

The next day she confirmed me as her friend and we ended up chatting on the little message thing and she said she was going through hell.

'Mom and dad are getting a divorce.'

'What?!!!'

'You heard me, right. They're getting a divorce.'

'I guess they just got to where they didn't get along and Jen actually went to stay with her aunt so they could try to work it out and when she came back home it was done and that was that.

I don't know, in a way I feel like it's my parents who are going through it, although I don't even remember them being together married or other. (my own mom and dad.)

That floored me and I needed to write about it I suppose.

Franki