I am me - a writting challenge

Authors Note:

  I am writing this to explain my absense on Hubpages

I know that some of you will want to judge me,,, you cannot judge me or be any harsher than I have judged or have been on myself, but before you judge me, let me tell you that I do not judge others nor do I care to be judged. YOU HAVE NOT WALKED ONE STEP IN MY SHOES,,, MORE OR LESS A MILE,,, YOU HAVE NOT LIVED MY LIFE, THERE HAVE BEEN CIRCUMSTANCES THAT I WILL NOT GO INTO AT THIS TIME BUT WILL LATER, THERE ARE THINGS THAT ARE MY FAULT AND THINGS THAT I HAD NO CONTROL OVER HAPPEN IN MY LIFE.

Some of you that my boyfriend, Larry had a cancer scare a few months ago, back in August, I wrote a hub about it. Many of you don't know that after the sugery, Larry had another problem arise after that. A few years ago he was diagnosed with two compressed disks and a bone spur (that time he was presribed a neck brace) which he wore and it helped and he didn't seem to have a problem until after his colon surgery. (We think it was aggrivated by him spending so much time in bed recovering from the first surgery.

He was unable to work much, he was in a lot of pain and had numbness in his right arm and therefore was afraid to move heavy parts at work.

Finally the pain got so bad he could work less, it got to the point where he would show up in the morning, no matter how bad he felt and would be in so much agony that he would come home before lunch, if he could move well enough to go to work at all.

He had to see his dr and as before she referred him to a neurosurgeon, had x rays and an mri done and he determined that this time surgery was his best course of action.

**Backstory

I will not go into details but basically my mom had guardianship of my son. I lived with her and helped to take care of him until she decided to up and move to Tenn. where my sister lived with her husband (they have long since divorced and she moved back to Ks.)

Things happened and life went on and I lost contact with my family.

Right before the surgery my sister found me on MySpace, not sure how since my http on there is an alias, which I did since I didn't quite trust social networking when I signed up and never canceled my account or made a new one with a different em address.

My sister told me in a brief message that mom had died of cirrosis of the liver last year. I found out when I talked to her next that mom had died 2/08 and my son was adopted out a few years ago when mom started getting really sick.

This sent my life into a tailspin and have been dealing with a lot since then. Thats also why I haven't been very productive on here. Just dealing with one thing after another and after another.

Just so you know, Larry is fine, still in some pain and just waiting on his neck to finish fusing, hoping it happens soon and it was sucessful but won't know until Jan when he goes back for more x rays.